Date Prep

 

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We found the perfect outfit. Photo by Artificial Photography on Unsplash

With permission granted, Kylie and her young man have chosen where and when they plan to go on their date. The plan is he would pick her up from our house to go out, then we would pick them up from where they ended up going to watch the movie. My young lady was beyond excited about the upcoming day, and after we had a talk and got a new outfit she became a lot more settled.

We got her a cute peasant top with blues and reds that she planned to wear with jeans or the new pants we got to go with it. When the afternoon came, Kylie came to me and hugged me tightly. “Help me get ready,” she begged, trying to keep her excitement under control.

“You’ll be fine. Go start getting ready and I’ll help you finish.”

She tried not to rush off to start but in truth she did and after about half an hour she came back dressed in the shorts and top we had bought.

When she stepped out of her room and walked down the corridor to me I was blown away. I had to fight not to cry.

“You look so beautiful baby,” I hugged her tight then sat her down.

“You don’t need makeup but we have that really pretty lip gloss that we bought when we went shopping.”

Together we sorted out a hairstyle then did her face with a light dusting of translucent powder and the lip gloss.

“Perfect,” I said sitting back to see how she looked. “All ready?”

She gave me a shy smile. “All ready. Thanks for helping me mom. It may not look it but I’m so nervous.”

“Just be the amazing you that you are,” I whispered to her as there was a knock on the door. It was time for my baby to go on her first date.

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Telling Them No

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‘No’ means ‘No’. Photo by Cooper Smith on Unsplash

As Kylie and I kept talking I switched to a delicate topic that needed to be addressed even if I didn’t want to bring it up.

 

“Do you remember the incident that caused us to transfer you to your new school?”

“Yes,” she whispered. It was a topic she wasn’t fond of but she knew what I had to say was important if I brought it up.

“It’s not always guys that you are not involved with that don’t understand or listen when you say no, but also some guys that you like and you go out with on a date sometimes think they have the right to take more than you are willing to offer. If you say no, say it and mean it and make sure anything you don’t like comes to a stop.”

She looked at me with wide eyes and bit her lips. “That is why we insisted you go for a refresher self-defense course. If you say no and someone does not listen. Make them understand ‘No’ means ‘No’. Don’t hesitate. Do what you must and find help at once.”

The conversation and the questions continued for the rest of our outing and by the end of it all, Kylie understood more about sex. The lies people told about it and to get it. The need to understand more about her body and the fact she should always listen to it and take note of its reactions. I explained that she had a lot to learn and I was here, ready and willing to answer any question she had.

I knew Kylie was a thinker but I was aware how easy it was for a smooth-talking boy to turn your head. After all, it happened to me. Time will tell and it is up to her. I just want her to have a better experience than me, so I’ll equip her as best I can for what may come. In this day and age it was the right thing for any responsible parent to do.

Zero Pleasure

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For every woman it is different. Photo by Ahmed Ashhaadh on Unsplash

My conversation was giving Kylie a lot more understanding about the topic of sex. She now understand it was an act but then it was also much more. For several minutes she said nothing but I could tell she was deep in thought trying to figure out what to ask me next.

“Note, guys will tell you almost anything to get you to have sex. For some of them, it’s the conquest and a lot of them will do whatever to get it.”

“Could you explain arousal. What does it feel like?”

“For every woman it is different but the best way I can describe it is a building feeling of eagerness and excitement in both your mind and your body. Also, it is important to know with every woman the degree of arousal varies. When it comes to the body most people just think the main parts, your breasts and vagina but a well-placed touch can lead to arousal. Think of your skin as one huge organ and if some you like touches you. Combined that with the right words and a woman can be aroused. It’s the concept of foreplay. Sadly it is something very few men seem to understand or have mastered, but some are improving.”

We moved around the store in silence for a bit then Kylie took up a top then turned to me. “I like this one? What do you think?”

“Try it on and we’ll see if it works.” She placed it over her hand with the other clothes she held then turned to me.

“Can I ask you a question mom. It’s about dad and my…father.” Soon after we got married the children started called Mr. Divine dad. The first time they did it the man had to fight back tears. He showed then time and again he would protect them no matter what.

“Ask away.”

“I watch you with dad now and think back to the way things used to be with my father. Why do you think he was like that? So cruel and nasty to you.”

“It could be several things. The main one I can come up with is that your father was a selfish and insecure man and the only way he could feel good about himself was to make others feel bad about themselves. He used to do that to me a lot. Make me feel like I was stupid. His aim was to have power over me. It was all about him. That is why I urge you, the day a guy makes you feel bad about yourself, leave him. Leave him at once. It is the beginning of things going from bad to worst.”

“Okay mom,” she whispered hugging me.

“If a guy doesn’t want to take the time with you it is never a good thing. If you want to go slow but he is in a hurry and wants to use guilt on you to get you to do what he wants, that is a bad sign. He does not love you. He never loved you.”

Another Happy New Year

 

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Happy New Year everyone. Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

Welcome to 2018 everyone. Happy New Year. I’m getting myself ready for an excitingly busy year filled with new adventures and discoveries. As promised, I’ve got those post ready and I’ll be rolling them out each week along with other little posts about what is going on right now. Be on the lookout for another post this week and until then 🏖, 🌞 and 😃.

 

A Million Emotions

Emotion

Just a fraction of what I’ve been feeling for the past few months.

Excited and insanely busy in a whirlwind of chaos. That is the best way to describe what my life has been like for the past few months. Things have finally settled and I’m looking forward to starting to post updates to my blog again.

A lot has happened since is haven’t been active online and I’ll be trying my best get you up to date about all the happenings. So, expect a new post in the coming week. I’m so tempted to just blurt out some of what happened but I’ve waited this long, so taking the time to tell you properly is the plan and I’m sticking to it.

So look for WordPress blog post and Facebook post in the coming weeks and I’ll get you back on track with what myself and my family have been up to.

Settling Into Place

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Free and ready for whatever comes next.

From our conversation on the beach, Mr. Divine and I have been doing a lot better. That talk seemed to have opened a floodgate of conversation to make sure that we are staying on track as a couple. We sit down and just try to talk about everything as much as possible and make sure we were on the right page or just the same page about the things that might be a complication.

With Kylie enjoyed her new school and both of them studying for upcoming exams, things were settling back into a quiet state in our home. A while back Kylie had told me was interested in taking several of her exams early so she had started to do extra lessons in preparation for those exams. That had been going well and it was a major help towards her applications into university.

The children’s sporting activities have brought back up the question of the possibility of them having the opportunity to move to another country so they can further their education and ranking in the sport. We all had a long talk and the plan is to wait for Kylie’s results and see if there is any early interest from the universities that she wants to go to. Her swim coach has also been looking into scholarships at her choice universities and several other schools that would teach the courses that interest her. We would know the results in a few months and from there we would revisit the idea of moving as a family or if we would let Kylie go off on her own and have an adventure. Time would tell.

All Revealed

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Like the rising sun, the situation could no longer be hidden.

 

“You see,” said Kylie. “I told you I’m not the only one he has been bugging. I guess their parents skipped coming to the school and went right to the police.”

The officer that came in, make that officers, were not street cops but high ranking officers. I guess someone had gone to the top with their complaint.

The officers looked around the room from our angry faces to the boy sitting in the corner of the room rocking back and forth crying.

“What is the issue here?” asked one of the officers.

“The young lady and her parents have said the boy has been giving her double,” said the principal.

“Define trouble,” said the other officer.

“Sexual assault,” said Kylie before the principal could replay.

“The girl is just exaggerating. The boy was just playing,” said Mr. X with a laugh.

“Playing? From the conversation I overheard my niece having and the bruises I saw on her arms and thighs when I got her to tell me what happened, this is no game.”

“Are you Nadisha’s uncle or Ashley’s? Those are the two girls  he has been bugging for the last two weeks.”

“No. My niece doesn’t go to school here. This incident happened on the bus last Friday.”

The officer took out a phone and showed the principle pictures. The man was visibly shocked.

Taking out a notebook the officer turned to my daughter.

“Can I have the names of those two other young ladies? We will need to talk to them. Can you tell us what happened.”

My daughter told her story including the part about the teacher doing nothing. The officers gave Mr. X. a long look and finally he has the look of shame on his face.

“From the magnitude of this situation we going to have to take this situation to the station. This involves too many girls and this is a dangerous situation.”

Saddened the principle nodded.

“On that note,” said Mr. Divine. “I would like my daughter’s transcripts before I leave. She is not coming back to this school. Not with a teacher who turns a blind eye to sexual assault. Never.

“I was shocked he took things as far as removing Kylie from school but I understood it. The safety of the children was always his first priority and for that I loved him.

It seemed like Kylie would be starting privet school later in the week. Mr. Divine moved that fast, that fast.

Throwdown

Throwdown

Direct hit. 

The principal started to splutter and the teacher looked shocked.

 

“The boy was just playing,” said Mr. X.

“Yes. I was just playing chimed in the boy,” suddenly realizing that this was getting bigger than a simple trip to the office.

“No young man,” said Mr. Divine. “Touching or hitting a person without their consent is assault. Forcibly touching a girl or woman on parts of her body that are considered privet, that is breasts, bottom or vaginal area is considered sexual assault. There is no just playing when you force a girl in a corner and touch her while she is screaming no. It is wrong. Your teacher should know that, you should know and understand that. You need to call your parents because you are in big trouble and you have to learn that actions have consequences.”

“This a big lot of noise about nothing,” said Mr. X.

“I hope you are willing to tell that to a judge because I think I’ll be taking you to court for your lack of action with regards to this situation.

Mr. Divine took out his other phone and called his lawyer. His words froze the man.

“Those papers I told you about. You can file them. He has no remorse so why should I?”

“Why are you behaving like this?” Mr. X questions. “These are  just kids.”

“Do you understand that boys become men? Do you understand that boys who think they can touch girls wherever and whenever and don’t understand that ‘No’ really means ‘NO’ often go on to assault and rape women? Do you understand that you are a teacher and the person these children look up to and respect? Do you understand that by saying nothing you are a danger to these children?”

“You are crazy man,” said Mr. X.

“Like I said, tell it to a judge.”

The young man was standing in the corner and the look on his face said the boy was frightened out of his mind. He should be. Not to mention this school needed to talk to the boys and make them understand no, means no.

“Young man, have you called your parents?” The boy shook his head no.

“They need to be called and they need to get here now. Not the end of their work day but right now.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the secretary stuck her head without waiting for a response to come in.

“There are two police officers out here. He wants to speak to you about an incident. He named that boy,” she said pointing to the boy now trying to make himself smaller in the corner. “That is why I came to get you.”

The boy slid down onto the floor his knees weak.

No You Didn’t

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Like most mothers, I’m very protective of my children but I’ve also learnt how to let them go so they can be independent and learn how to become their own person. It’s not easy, but I’ve come to realize that the clinging and hovering often resulted in frustrated, angry and rebellious children. Observation allowed me to learn how to adjust accordingly over the past few years. That being said, let get to the real problem.

My daughter Kylie came home and I noted that she was more distant and quieter than usual. I looked at her, trying to figure out the type of quite I was dealing with. Was it a ‘that topic in class was so difficult’ or ‘a why is that person giving me a difficult time’ quiet. For some reason I wasn’t getting the clues I was used to with this situation and it was worrying me.

Mr. Divine was back from his trip and was taking us out to dinner. At dinner, he nudged me when he noticed how quiet she was. The kids were always eager to find out about his trips but it was like Kylie wasn’t even there. We decided to take a long walk along the boardwalk after dinner and as Shane wondered off to get pictures of the sunset we asked her what was the matter.

As she explained the situation I could see the vain in Mr. Divine’s head starting to rise up and throb. With my Kylie’s every word, he was getting angrier. “We’ll be going to the school tomorrow because nothing about what you just told us is right.”

“But the teacher said that is just the way boys behave.”

“No, it’s not. Decent boys don’t do that. Decent teachers don’t allow them to get away with it if you complain about it. Then even worst, try to make it your fault.

While Mr. Divine was angry I was livid. The whole situation reminded me of the entitled attitude my ex Walter often exhibited. I wasn’t standing for it. It would seem that a boy at school had started teasing Kylie, calling her rude names and being generally annoying. She chose to ignore him and in reaction, he choose to escalate the situation by pushing, pinching and basically trying to grope my daughter whenever he saw her. Frustrated she went to the teacher to try to address the situation but it was dismissed with the statement “boys will be boys” and that the boy wanted her to be his girlfriend….and it was probably her fault for ignoring him.

Oh hell no.

15 Minutes

15Minutes

The timer set and ready to go.

15 Minutes. It may seem like no time at all for many people, but for me, it’s going to be the difference being accomplished my goals or not. How so? I plan to take that time daily for each of the tasks I want to accomplish in my life. To make this happen it is going to take not only a lot of planning but also dedication. Not to mention that other thing I know I have to achieve.

I plan to give myself up to the sixth-month mark this year, but I intend to accomplish these tasks I have in mind. Each one, though small, will be like a shot in the machine of my life. It’s time to make some changes to and improve my machine. 15 minutes can make a huge difference and I plan to make it count.