Date Prep

 

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We found the perfect outfit. Photo by Artificial Photography on Unsplash

With permission granted, Kylie and her young man have chosen where and when they plan to go on their date. The plan is he would pick her up from our house to go out, then we would pick them up from where they ended up going to watch the movie. My young lady was beyond excited about the upcoming day, and after we had a talk and got a new outfit she became a lot more settled.

We got her a cute peasant top with blues and reds that she planned to wear with jeans or the new pants we got to go with it. When the afternoon came, Kylie came to me and hugged me tightly. “Help me get ready,” she begged, trying to keep her excitement under control.

“You’ll be fine. Go start getting ready and I’ll help you finish.”

She tried not to rush off to start but in truth she did and after about half an hour she came back dressed in the shorts and top we had bought.

When she stepped out of her room and walked down the corridor to me I was blown away. I had to fight not to cry.

“You look so beautiful baby,” I hugged her tight then sat her down.

“You don’t need makeup but we have that really pretty lip gloss that we bought when we went shopping.”

Together we sorted out a hairstyle then did her face with a light dusting of translucent powder and the lip gloss.

“Perfect,” I said sitting back to see how she looked. “All ready?”

She gave me a shy smile. “All ready. Thanks for helping me mom. It may not look it but I’m so nervous.”

“Just be the amazing you that you are,” I whispered to her as there was a knock on the door. It was time for my baby to go on her first date.

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Telling Them No

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‘No’ means ‘No’. Photo by Cooper Smith on Unsplash

As Kylie and I kept talking I switched to a delicate topic that needed to be addressed even if I didn’t want to bring it up.

 

“Do you remember the incident that caused us to transfer you to your new school?”

“Yes,” she whispered. It was a topic she wasn’t fond of but she knew what I had to say was important if I brought it up.

“It’s not always guys that you are not involved with that don’t understand or listen when you say no, but also some guys that you like and you go out with on a date sometimes think they have the right to take more than you are willing to offer. If you say no, say it and mean it and make sure anything you don’t like comes to a stop.”

She looked at me with wide eyes and bit her lips. “That is why we insisted you go for a refresher self-defense course. If you say no and someone does not listen. Make them understand ‘No’ means ‘No’. Don’t hesitate. Do what you must and find help at once.”

The conversation and the questions continued for the rest of our outing and by the end of it all, Kylie understood more about sex. The lies people told about it and to get it. The need to understand more about her body and the fact she should always listen to it and take note of its reactions. I explained that she had a lot to learn and I was here, ready and willing to answer any question she had.

I knew Kylie was a thinker but I was aware how easy it was for a smooth-talking boy to turn your head. After all, it happened to me. Time will tell and it is up to her. I just want her to have a better experience than me, so I’ll equip her as best I can for what may come. In this day and age it was the right thing for any responsible parent to do.

Zero Pleasure

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For every woman it is different. Photo by Ahmed Ashhaadh on Unsplash

My conversation was giving Kylie a lot more understanding about the topic of sex. She now understand it was an act but then it was also much more. For several minutes she said nothing but I could tell she was deep in thought trying to figure out what to ask me next.

“Note, guys will tell you almost anything to get you to have sex. For some of them, it’s the conquest and a lot of them will do whatever to get it.”

“Could you explain arousal. What does it feel like?”

“For every woman it is different but the best way I can describe it is a building feeling of eagerness and excitement in both your mind and your body. Also, it is important to know with every woman the degree of arousal varies. When it comes to the body most people just think the main parts, your breasts and vagina but a well-placed touch can lead to arousal. Think of your skin as one huge organ and if some you like touches you. Combined that with the right words and a woman can be aroused. It’s the concept of foreplay. Sadly it is something very few men seem to understand or have mastered, but some are improving.”

We moved around the store in silence for a bit then Kylie took up a top then turned to me. “I like this one? What do you think?”

“Try it on and we’ll see if it works.” She placed it over her hand with the other clothes she held then turned to me.

“Can I ask you a question mom. It’s about dad and my…father.” Soon after we got married the children started called Mr. Divine dad. The first time they did it the man had to fight back tears. He showed then time and again he would protect them no matter what.

“Ask away.”

“I watch you with dad now and think back to the way things used to be with my father. Why do you think he was like that? So cruel and nasty to you.”

“It could be several things. The main one I can come up with is that your father was a selfish and insecure man and the only way he could feel good about himself was to make others feel bad about themselves. He used to do that to me a lot. Make me feel like I was stupid. His aim was to have power over me. It was all about him. That is why I urge you, the day a guy makes you feel bad about yourself, leave him. Leave him at once. It is the beginning of things going from bad to worst.”

“Okay mom,” she whispered hugging me.

“If a guy doesn’t want to take the time with you it is never a good thing. If you want to go slow but he is in a hurry and wants to use guilt on you to get you to do what he wants, that is a bad sign. He does not love you. He never loved you.”

The Path to Pleasure

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Like I was saying before, Kylie is going on her first date and as a result, I have decided to have a detailed sex talk with her. Like always, my little warrior keeps on surprising me.

As we kept shopping Kylie urged me to explain the factors that went along with pleasure. I took a deep breath and tried to find the words to explain the concept versus the reality of pleasure when it came to women.

“Like I said, for a lot of women sex is tied to emotion. It’s just one of the factors for some women but many may consider it a key one. Then we start to add all the other things. Who is the guy? Do you find him attractive or is he just gahhhh? When he touched you does your body say hello or go to sleep?”

My explanations had her laughing but she was understanding my points.

“Then we start to get more technical. Does he have experience and understand a woman’s body or is he a poker?”

“Poker? I know you’re not talking about the game so what do you mean?”

“Someone who doesn’t have a clue what they are doing but they are pretending they do and they are just poking things in places and touching things but nothing is happening.”

“Don’t forget we are talking about pleasure. The enjoyment of the sex. If his touch is not right or finding the right spots then there is zero pleasure.”

“Your person needs to arouse you and if he’s not doing that he’s not doing it right but more importantly he is not the guy for you.”

A Million Emotions

Emotion

Just a fraction of what I’ve been feeling for the past few months.

Excited and insanely busy in a whirlwind of chaos. That is the best way to describe what my life has been like for the past few months. Things have finally settled and I’m looking forward to starting to post updates to my blog again.

A lot has happened since is haven’t been active online and I’ll be trying my best get you up to date about all the happenings. So, expect a new post in the coming week. I’m so tempted to just blurt out some of what happened but I’ve waited this long, so taking the time to tell you properly is the plan and I’m sticking to it.

So look for WordPress blog post and Facebook post in the coming weeks and I’ll get you back on track with what myself and my family have been up to.

Off the Rails

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Walter ended up before the judge…again.

There is a bit more to the story about when Walter started getting on stupid when he found out that Mr. Divine had proposed to me. Yes, he was livid when I told him that Walter has called and started berating me about my decision to get married again. The anger shifted to livid when we were at home having a games night with the kids and Walter had the audacity to turn up at my house. On boy. 

We were so engrossed in the game we didn’t even know someone was outside of the house. It was only when a loud banging started to shake the front door that let us know someone was there. Mr. Divine gave me a look and we moved cautiously to the door. The kids went to the small windows next to the door to look outside and my daughter looked back at me wide-eyed.

“I know you are in there Lindsay you bitch. You must be out of your mind if you think you can just leave me and get married. I say what you can do.”

The kids looked at me in confusion. Anger filled my daughter’s face and she moved towards the telephone and started to make a call. A crash of broken glass resounded.

Mr. Divine opened the door to see Walter with a rock in his hand about to throw it through the side window of his jeep. The crash we had heard before was a rock going through the windscreen of the jeep and when Walter saw that the door was open he rushed at us, rock in hand. Walter came at us screaming threats and for once what he said just washed over me. I was more concerned about the danger he potentially posed to all of us.

Walter threw the rock and we all ducked. It broke the window next to the door and I heard a shout of shock. I looked back to make sure the kids were alright but I was also trying to keep an eye on Mr. Divine. I didn’t know what was going on with Walter because as nasty as I had seen him behave, I had never known him to become violent. I watched the rage flowing off of Walter and I shouted for Mr. Divine to be careful.

Then to my shock, Mr. Divine stood there was Walter came at him cursing and yell and took a punch to the face. I cried out in shock but Mr. Divine calmly told me to stay back. What then unfolded was like something out of a movie. Mr. Divine leaped into the air and came down delivering a punch that knocked Walter out cold. When Walter crumpled onto the ground  Mr. Divine turned and walked up to me and pulled me into his arms for a mind sapping kiss. He reached for the kids and hugged them as well.

I was still in Mr. Divine arms when a police car pulled up. One of them moved to Walter who was still unconscious on the ground and the other came cautiously to us.

“Good night, madam, sir. We got a call about a domestic disturbance.  What is going on?”

My daughter came forward and stood in front of us. “I called you. My father just turned up here and started cursing, yelling and breaking things. He threw a rock at us and broke the window and he hit my mother’s fianceé.”

“Young lady let me speak to the adults.”

Mr. Divine turned and looked at the officer and took my hand and started to move towards the house.

“Sir. Madam. What happened here?”

Mr. Divine pointed to Kyle. “The young lady called you. She can tell you what happened. After you take her statement then you can question me. I’m going inside to get some ice and call my lawyer.”

On the ground, Walter finally started to regain consciousness. One of the officers went to him while the other called for an ambulance. A few minutes later the officer came to the door and cleared his throat. The kids looked at Mr. Divine and when he finally acknowledged the officer he pointed to the children.

“Like I said before, take their statement first then we’ll talk.”

The officer still hesitated and Mr. Divine got up. “Since you don’t want to take the kids statement. You can wait until my lawyer gets here. Then you can take everyone’s statement.”

The officer was not pleased by this change of events but that is how thing went from there on. The lawyer came forty-five minutes later and by then the officers had gotten the statement from our neighbors and an irate Walter who the ambulance had dealt with or left. He was now sitting down in the back of the police car waiting.

When the lawyer came, he insisted on talking to us first and we told him what happened. After we were done, he called in the officer.

“So what happened here?”

The lawyer pointed to the kids.

“We were all inside playing  Cashflow. I was winning and we were having fun when suddenly there was a loud banging on the door. Then we heard someone screaming and after we got up and moved towards the door I realized it was my father.”

“He was screaming nasty things about my mother. Nasty things about the fact mom was getting remarried. That was when I went to get the phone to call the police while I watched what was going on through the window.

Before I got back to the window to look out there was a crash. When I got the window mom’s fiancé was standing outside the door. It seems our dad had thrown a rock through the window of his jeep. He has another rock in his hand. When he saw mom’s fiancé at the door he rushed at him and threw the rock. We all ducked and the rock broke the window.” Kyla pointed to the broken window and the rock on the floor.

“He rushed at mom’s fiancé and punched him. Mom’s fiancé punched him back. It knocked him right out. You found him where he fell.”

Has anything like this happened before?”

“There was one incident at my workplace,” I said. “The police was called it was brought to the courts. He has been getting progressively…problematic. We have also been having problems with him and the children. It’s been getting very difficult.”

The officer closed his notebook and tapped the cover with his pen.

“Madam, how long have you left your husband?”

I sat up and looked the officer in the eye. “You need to get it right. He left me. Walked out and left me, us for another woman. Told me he had filed for a divorce. He left me more than two to three years ago. He made me miserable all during my marriage and has been trying to do the same thing since the divorce was made final months ago.”

“Okay madam. We will be taking your ex down to the station and charging him with assault and damage to property.”

“I’m sure we can find a few more things to charge him with,” said the lawyer. “He has become a constant problem for my clients. We will be coming to the station in the morning to give an official statement.”

The officer nodded and the lawyer went with him to the door. When he came back he sat down and discussed our options. Charges had to be laid or Walter would continue to be a problem. I didn’t want things to come to this point but I need to go on with my life.

We ended up at the station and in court the next day. Our lawyer was swinging a heavy bat and when we walked out Walter had been charged and faced possible jail time. The fact that he had an incident before would mean this time he would be going to jail for sure. He also had to stay away from us. Time would reveal the outcome but no matter what my children and I were getting on with our lives.

The Spoke for my Wheel

 

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We wanted to go on vacation as a family.

So I go the jitters. The pre-wedding freak out because I’m asking myself if I’m doing the right thing. I know what I endured during my last marriage and this is what tries to take over my mind and often makes me so afraid to take this important step in my life. Again the fear is trying to stalk me but I know I don’t want to live in that place for the rest of my life.

How did I end up feeling like this? It came about as a result of the complications that came into play due to my evil, spawn of the devil, ex, called Walter. Everything was planned for the wedding and I had even gotten my dress after much deliberation What happened while I got the dress is another story for you to look forward to but for now let me tell you what the idiot did.

The plan for the kids and I was to do some traveling with Mr. Divine and to visit his home to get the…feel for what the area is like. The aim to figure out if it was a place we would consider moving me. The complication, I needed Walter’s permission to take the children out of the country and we were not on speaking terms due to how he behaved when he heard I was getting married. Add to it that, Mr. Divine had insisted on sending Walter a letter from my lawyer to cease and desist his harassment I don’t know how I was going to get his permission to take the children with me.
The whole thing has me worried because there was no way I was leaving my children with that man knowing that he and they were not on the best terms. I had to figure out what to do.

When I contacted my lawyer about the situation, after speaking at length we decided it was best to speak to the judge. Several months back the kids came to the decision they wanted nothing to do with their father and I mean nothing. It all came to a head in the office in the office of the school counselor in front of the principal of both children’s schools. The incident then went to a judge who wanted to insist that the children had to have visitation with their father. The adults said what they had to say then the judge said he was going to make his ruling. That was when my daughter stood up and asked about what she had to say.

“You want to send us to stay with that man.”

“Young lady you are in contempt, you need to be quiet. The adults make the decisions.”

“Yes while the children have to suffer the pain of your bad decisions. I dare you. Send me to that man and in less than a day he will be begging you to change the ruling. I will torment him worst than he tormented us. I promise I will.”

Kylie shot her father a nasty look then looked to the judge.

“I. Dare. You.”

The courtroom was dead silent that day and the judge saw that my daughter was not joking and made the decision not to make visitation necessary. Now I had to go to the same judge about the trip. There was no way we were going to tell this man we were thinking about a permanent move. We would deal with that bridge if we were ever going in that direction, till then it’s about the trip.

When we went to the judge he sighed when he saw us. My daughter also insisted on coming. She wanted to hear every decision that would affect her.

I can hear a lot of other adults saying, “that child needs to know his place’, but think about it. How many times have adults made decisions they don’t talk to children about and it destroys the child’s life? At sixteen, Kylie had the right to know what is happening to her. Unlike a lot of people, I talk to my children. Their opinions actually count.

This time the judge insisted on an aside and spoke to Kylie. They spoke back and forth for more than thirty minutes then the judge came back to the rest of us. He got the paperwork from the lawyer and looked it over.

“Mr. Haynes your children have planned a vacation with their mother and her new husband and I’m granting them permission to go on the trip.”

“Why is it she always getting what she wants and I always get punished?”

The judge turned to Walter. “This is about your children’s lives not winning. I was willing to give you a chance but from what your daughter says you have made no effort.”

“Her mother made her…”

“Your daughter is not stupid and can think for herself and I frankly think that if you were a good father it wouldn’t matter what her mother said about you if you were a good father. You are not the father these children need so until you start exhibiting that you are, it is best that the children stay with their children mother and her new husband.”

The reprimand had Walter fuming but the judge’s word was final. We would be going on vacation and maybe more. In the end, the decision that was made ended up being the best interest of the children, the persons who mattered most in this whole situation.

Plans

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Maybe I’ll get something like this for my bouquet.

The thought of dealing with the planning of a wedding makes me cringe and I think Mr. Divine picked that up when after he asked me one day I put my head under a pillow and screamed in frustration. With a laugh, he pulled me out of hiding and into his arms and asked me what was the problem. I explained that I was over the making called and all things the needed to be done to get things arranged.

That was when that precious man suggested the most amazing thing. We would choose a hotel and let their wedding planner do everything else. All we need to do was choose a hotel, a date for the wedding, colours and flower types. The numbers of my guest also my attendants then that was it other than clothing. I looked at him wide-eyed.

“So when do you want to get married?” he whispered against my lips. “Morning, afternoon or evening.” Each question came with a kiss and over the next two hours we had everything planned. All we needed was dresses, tuxes and to choose a hotel.

We ended up picking the hotel where we met as the location where to hold the wedding. My sister, Florence that saved me from my downwards spiral and my daughter would be my attendants, but we were yet to decide who would give me away. We decided on thirty guests made up of immediate family and extra close friends who would be at the wedding and join us for a quiet. This would happen after an evening ceremony on the beach.

For flowers, I decided to go for tropical colours and flowers done in a simple hand-tie bouquet with orchids, torch gingers, shampoo gingers and other strong tropical flowers. Buttonholes and anything else could be done in orchids. With all the things I considered different sorted out, all I had to do was back in being in love. Then there was to find my dress and everything was sorted.

So location, check. Food and guests, check. Now it’s to get the little matter of getting the dresses and I will be getting married. I have sorted what I was sure is the hard part, but I think things will get more interesting before I get to walk down the aisle.

The Quarrel

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He pulled me into his arms and held me while we sat in silence.

Mr. Divine is livid. Like caveman, she’s mine, beat his chest, toss me over his shoulder and lock me in for his pleasure, kind of livid. It had me shivering with pleasure at the thought that I was so important to someone. What has caused this or more like whom? No one else but my stupid ex, Walter.

It all started when Walter called the office and started to berate me because he heard I’m wearing a huge engagement ring. His motor-mouth woman who works in my office spotted my rock and passed on the message. I know the expletive wanted to cause trouble when she transferred a call from him to my phone, but I send it right back to her. I had quite the laugh listening to them but my ultimate fear was becoming real. My ex was far from happy I was moving on.

The gall. I know. After all, he left me and took up with a woman, so why was he angry I had become involved with someone? Sadly it was the way he was. His joy stemmed from making others feeling inferior and he had been doing it to me for years. Now he is angry I was taking a step further out of his clutches.

Now to my caveman, Mr. Divine. We have made the decision to get married and we were still trying to decide if we were going to live locally or transfer to his home overseas. The kids were of the opinion that we should take the time to test out both locations to see which one will be the best for everyone. The kids are of the opinion that it didn’t matter where their friends were, they could still keep in touch.

Now to the matter of their father…yes I have been avoiding telling you what happened but you now what. I might as well get it over with. When Mr. Divine found out about the Walter incident, yes he was livid but to my shock, he didn’t have a snap reaction. When we were finally together he pulled me into his arms and held me while we sat in silence.
It felt like we were there for about an hour but it hadn’t been that long. Tipping my chin up, Mr. Divine made me look into his eyes.

“As much as I would like to kick that bastard’s ass from here into eternity, we have to deal with Walter on a legal level and make sure nothing like this every happens again. He knows he isn’t allowed to contact you like that so we will remind him. But know this, if he comes near you I will take him down with extreme prejudice.”

My eyes widened at how calmly he stated his intent.

“Also I want you and the kids to learn self-defense in case of an incident where you need to protect yourself. I would devastate me if something happened to you and it was as a result of you not being able to protect yourselves.”

Something swelled in me when I heard Mr. Divine’s words and I gave them some serious thought. He didn’t just want to be the big guy protecting his woman and children, he wanted us strong and able if we ever ran into trouble as well. That very second I knew I was linking myself with a strong man with a good heart, and together with the children we would grow from strength to strength.

Cover Reveal

So I finally have it. The cover for my story Diary of a Recovering Idiot. I have made changes to the story and I will be re-publishing it from the beginning on Wattpad.

Here it is.

The cover was done by the amazing Clairey Lovell at C & K Creations. When I saw this cover, it embodied all my feelings in one picture. If you don’t know my story, follow me at the links below for continued updates about my life and links to my story that is being re-posted.

Twitter – https://twitter.com/DiryOfRecovriId

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/Diary-of-a-Recovering-Idiot-481568121942525/

Wattpad – https://www.wattpad.com/story/9696601-diary-of-a-recovering-idiot