Already Missing Her

 

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Shane wanted to be near his sister when she went away to college. Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash

 

I’ve been telling you about Kylie for the past few weeks but what about my darling young man Shane? He did amazing in his exams and as a result got into the school of his choice. He is happy with his results, but I don’t see any eagerness in him to start at this new school. He has been going to the pool with Kylie and much to my surprise had been working with her coach to increase his times and overall stamina. Despite all these things I’ve noticed that my son is quieter than usual.

Every day he talked to Mr. Divine and I saw a joy that took over my son whenever he had one of these conversations. He also seemed to tag along wherever his sister went. I noted that her boyfriend didn’t mind Shane being with them but I still worried about him always being around older kids.

One day when Kylie was out and he seemed to be playing on his iPad I walked by. What I noticed wasn’t a game but rather a website. Slowly I walked up to him. “Shane, what are you doing?”

He put down his iPad and gave me a sad smile.

“Research. I’m looking for schools for kids my age near where Kylie may be going to school.”

His words shocked me but I managed to keep it in. “You found anything good?”

“One or two but it all depends on where Kylie ends up going to university.”

“True, but even if you don’t go to school in the same state you can still visit Kylie often.”

“I guess,” he said with a sigh.

“If you want to go to school near Kylie you can but the school has to be more than just near Kylie. It needs to do the things you are interested in.”

Pouting Shane cuddled against my side. “I’m going to miss her when she is gone mom.”

“Anything is possible so don’t worry. We’ll start looking for proper schools for you so by the end of summer we will have a plan. So let me see these schools you are interested in.

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Fishing Trip

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Anything is possible for my babies. Photo by Baim Hanif on Unsplash

From our trip to visit several colleges with Kylie last year, we go information as well as contacts of the persons who ran the sports programs and the chairs of the departments in the programs she was interested in. We had also asked her coach to do an evaluation of her performance in the pool and the potential for improvement. He told us that with her continual improving times she had the potential to gain a position on a college swim team.

It seems that her coach connected with the coaches at several of the universities with the aim to get her a scholarship and that has been going very well. With Kylie’s swim times combined with her grades so far she has been shortlisted. Right now we are waiting to get in her results to up her chances for a scholarship. For the time being, she has provisional acceptance to four colleges and she is excited.

Now the summer is here and Kylie has been having an amazing time. She has been spending time with her young man but since she has so much free time she has decided to intensify her training. More than once my young lady has come home exhausted because of the rigorous training she had to endure. When I asked her if she didn’t want to take it easier, Kylie assured me she has a reason for her new training regime. It seems she had talked to several of the international swimmers who came in to use the pool during their offseason and she took note of their training routine and was determined by the end of the summer she would be on par with them lap and distance wise. She is close to reaching her goal and we’ll know for sure by the end of summer.

Telling Them No

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‘No’ means ‘No’. Photo by Cooper Smith on Unsplash

As Kylie and I kept talking I switched to a delicate topic that needed to be addressed even if I didn’t want to bring it up.

 

“Do you remember the incident that caused us to transfer you to your new school?”

“Yes,” she whispered. It was a topic she wasn’t fond of but she knew what I had to say was important if I brought it up.

“It’s not always guys that you are not involved with that don’t understand or listen when you say no, but also some guys that you like and you go out with on a date sometimes think they have the right to take more than you are willing to offer. If you say no, say it and mean it and make sure anything you don’t like comes to a stop.”

She looked at me with wide eyes and bit her lips. “That is why we insisted you go for a refresher self-defense course. If you say no and someone does not listen. Make them understand ‘No’ means ‘No’. Don’t hesitate. Do what you must and find help at once.”

The conversation and the questions continued for the rest of our outing and by the end of it all, Kylie understood more about sex. The lies people told about it and to get it. The need to understand more about her body and the fact she should always listen to it and take note of its reactions. I explained that she had a lot to learn and I was here, ready and willing to answer any question she had.

I knew Kylie was a thinker but I was aware how easy it was for a smooth-talking boy to turn your head. After all, it happened to me. Time will tell and it is up to her. I just want her to have a better experience than me, so I’ll equip her as best I can for what may come. In this day and age it was the right thing for any responsible parent to do.

Zero Pleasure

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For every woman it is different. Photo by Ahmed Ashhaadh on Unsplash

My conversation was giving Kylie a lot more understanding about the topic of sex. She now understand it was an act but then it was also much more. For several minutes she said nothing but I could tell she was deep in thought trying to figure out what to ask me next.

“Note, guys will tell you almost anything to get you to have sex. For some of them, it’s the conquest and a lot of them will do whatever to get it.”

“Could you explain arousal. What does it feel like?”

“For every woman it is different but the best way I can describe it is a building feeling of eagerness and excitement in both your mind and your body. Also, it is important to know with every woman the degree of arousal varies. When it comes to the body most people just think the main parts, your breasts and vagina but a well-placed touch can lead to arousal. Think of your skin as one huge organ and if some you like touches you. Combined that with the right words and a woman can be aroused. It’s the concept of foreplay. Sadly it is something very few men seem to understand or have mastered, but some are improving.”

We moved around the store in silence for a bit then Kylie took up a top then turned to me. “I like this one? What do you think?”

“Try it on and we’ll see if it works.” She placed it over her hand with the other clothes she held then turned to me.

“Can I ask you a question mom. It’s about dad and my…father.” Soon after we got married the children started called Mr. Divine dad. The first time they did it the man had to fight back tears. He showed then time and again he would protect them no matter what.

“Ask away.”

“I watch you with dad now and think back to the way things used to be with my father. Why do you think he was like that? So cruel and nasty to you.”

“It could be several things. The main one I can come up with is that your father was a selfish and insecure man and the only way he could feel good about himself was to make others feel bad about themselves. He used to do that to me a lot. Make me feel like I was stupid. His aim was to have power over me. It was all about him. That is why I urge you, the day a guy makes you feel bad about yourself, leave him. Leave him at once. It is the beginning of things going from bad to worst.”

“Okay mom,” she whispered hugging me.

“If a guy doesn’t want to take the time with you it is never a good thing. If you want to go slow but he is in a hurry and wants to use guilt on you to get you to do what he wants, that is a bad sign. He does not love you. He never loved you.”

The Path to Pleasure

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Like I was saying before, Kylie is going on her first date and as a result, I have decided to have a detailed sex talk with her. Like always, my little warrior keeps on surprising me.

As we kept shopping Kylie urged me to explain the factors that went along with pleasure. I took a deep breath and tried to find the words to explain the concept versus the reality of pleasure when it came to women.

“Like I said, for a lot of women sex is tied to emotion. It’s just one of the factors for some women but many may consider it a key one. Then we start to add all the other things. Who is the guy? Do you find him attractive or is he just gahhhh? When he touched you does your body say hello or go to sleep?”

My explanations had her laughing but she was understanding my points.

“Then we start to get more technical. Does he have experience and understand a woman’s body or is he a poker?”

“Poker? I know you’re not talking about the game so what do you mean?”

“Someone who doesn’t have a clue what they are doing but they are pretending they do and they are just poking things in places and touching things but nothing is happening.”

“Don’t forget we are talking about pleasure. The enjoyment of the sex. If his touch is not right or finding the right spots then there is zero pleasure.”

“Your person needs to arouse you and if he’s not doing that he’s not doing it right but more importantly he is not the guy for you.”

All About Sex

All About Sex

It was past time I had a detailed sex talk with my Kylie.  Photo by Michael Prewett on Unsplash

When we last spoke my oldest Kylie was about to go on her first date. To say I was more nervous than her was an understatement but I wanted to make sure I armed my little warrior before she went out. With that in mind, I had a serious talk her about sex. Not the slot A goes into slot B type conversation, but more of conversation about the feelings that go along with the desire to have sex. Some people may be thinking at sixteen, do you think you should be having a conversation like that with a child? Considering that girls are having sex younger and younger, I frankly think my conversation is past due.

I choose a day when Kylie and I were on the way to do some shopping. As we pulled up at the mall intending to go looking for an outfit for her to wear on her date I popped the question.

“Kylie what do you think about sex?”

“Mom?” she questioned. “What do you mean?”

“You understand the basics about sex?”

“I guess so,” she said with a shrug. “You hear stories at school but the truth is I rather get facts and understand more.”

I smiled. “Fact is always good. It was lack of knowledge that worked against me when I got involved with your father. One thing I can tell you is that your father is like a lot of men when it comes to sex. Selfish and only interested in their own pleasure. That is also the way how a lot of young men are as well.

We made our way inside the mall continuing our conversation.

“The thing is with sex and most women, not all, most, they associate or combine sex and love. They give or have sex with someone they think they love. With men, most, again not all, it’s about the pleasure. Their pleasure.”

She looked at me with a puzzled look. “Can’t women have pleasure from sex?”

I smiled at here. I loved how my child always got to the heart of the matter.

“The short answer is yes, but that yes goes along with so many different factors.”

Kylie gave me her ‘well keep talking’ look and as we shopping we kept the conversation going.

A Million Emotions

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Just a fraction of what I’ve been feeling for the past few months.

Excited and insanely busy in a whirlwind of chaos. That is the best way to describe what my life has been like for the past few months. Things have finally settled and I’m looking forward to starting to post updates to my blog again.

A lot has happened since is haven’t been active online and I’ll be trying my best get you up to date about all the happenings. So, expect a new post in the coming week. I’m so tempted to just blurt out some of what happened but I’ve waited this long, so taking the time to tell you properly is the plan and I’m sticking to it.

So look for WordPress blog post and Facebook post in the coming weeks and I’ll get you back on track with what myself and my family have been up to.

Young Men

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Young love on the horizon.

Deep breath people, but my young lady has a young man who is interested in her and she seems to like him as well. She came to Mr. Divine and I full of jitters wanting to find out if she could to a movie then for ice-cream with him. I looked at her almost biting off her finger waiting for an answer.

“Relax Kylie,” urged Mr. Divine. “Tell us about the guy. Why do you like him?”

She sank down into the nearby chair and started to tell us everything. How she met, Radley. The way he behaved, why she thought he was so awesome. It was easy to see that she was captivated by this guy.

“He asked me to go out a while ago but I told him I had to think about it first.  I wanted to discover who he really was as a person first. He was patient and he waited on my decision, also he wasn’t nasty about it like some other boys who asked me out before.”

I smiled, understanding her caution. After seeing my last marriage I know she wouldn’t just jump into a relationship.

“We’ll have a talk and let you know in the morning .”

She looked at us and smiled. “Okay,” then dashed off back to her room.

“A date,” said Mr. Divine with a sigh pushing fingers through his hair.

“Yes. A date.” I replied and cuddled into his arms. Things were about to get interesting.

Photo by Crew on Unsplash

PoliTricks

KidsSayItRight

If you have kids like mine you know that a brush off or a half answer will not work when it comes to wanting answers to a question and it didn’t work when I tried to distract them from the politics topic. An explanation was insisted upon…no, make that demanded. So they roped in Mr. Divine and we ended up having a huge discussion.

I asked them what they had heard or taken note of from the last elections they knew about? They commented about the last election of one international country that seemed to come off like a bad Tv drama. Then they pointed to another upcoming election of another country that they thought would result in a complicated outcome. Then I asked them about our country. After they gave their points I started to talk.

“I remember when I was in school hearing that a democratic government was supposed to be a government of the people by the people.” I guess it was an ideal but in those days we had politicians who truly had the people’s interest at heart but nowadays I’m not so sure.

That comment required an explanation. I pointed to the bickering and the obvious opposition just because you were the opposition. The desire of some politician to be the author of a brilliant legacy when in truth if ideas were pooled it would benefit the country more. But what I hated most was the promotion of division in the country just to gain votes. The rabid desire to undo what the person before you did just because they did it even though it was a benefit to the country. That was what I despised.

The kids listened and discussed. I then pointed to one incident that was now in court so, as far as I was concerned, one individual could push themselves into the limelight and grandstand. After all ‘silly seasons’ was on the way and one had to position one’s self as a contender in the upcoming election.

A lot of the actions of the politicians were giving me the impression that what they were doing was only for their benefit and not public. This is what I saw rather than them trying to make sure the country was at its best. That and a lot of the talk rather than action to help things go better. I wanted nothing to do with their lies, so I was trying to fulfill my own personal mandate. I’m trying to be a better me with every passing day and that is where my concentration is and where I’m planning on keeping it.

Kids Say it Right

KidsSayItRightI can’t be sure, but I have a strong suspicion that ‘silly season’ is in the air and is soon about to take over. I’m sure you are wondering what ‘silly season’ in, well let me explain. When an election is called and the supporters of the various parties go from acting half stupid to full idiot then the season is in full effect.

Right now an election has not been called, but several politicians have been making sure they have been seen out and about in the community, plying their trade so to speak. Why do I refer to what they do is a trade? It’s simple. Where were any of them three and a half years ago? Like water in the Sahara difficult,  near impossible to be found no matter now had you tried. So what now? That’s a good question.

With the start of canvasing, that is people coming around knocking on your door begging for votes for their party, the kids have started to ask questions. They noted that most of the people’s political decisions were based on emotions rather than facts or logic. When my son said that I burst out in an uproarious laugh. How as it that a child under the age of eleven has it spot on but adults didn’t get it. I don’t know but somehow they did.