Already Missing Her

 

william-stitt-140898-1

Shane wanted to be near his sister when she went away to college. Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash

 

I’ve been telling you about Kylie for the past few weeks but what about my darling young man Shane? He did amazing in his exams and as a result got into the school of his choice. He is happy with his results, but I don’t see any eagerness in him to start at this new school. He has been going to the pool with Kylie and much to my surprise had been working with her coach to increase his times and overall stamina. Despite all these things I’ve noticed that my son is quieter than usual.

Every day he talked to Mr. Divine and I saw a joy that took over my son whenever he had one of these conversations. He also seemed to tag along wherever his sister went. I noted that her boyfriend didn’t mind Shane being with them but I still worried about him always being around older kids.

One day when Kylie was out and he seemed to be playing on his iPad I walked by. What I noticed wasn’t a game but rather a website. Slowly I walked up to him. “Shane, what are you doing?”

He put down his iPad and gave me a sad smile.

“Research. I’m looking for schools for kids my age near where Kylie may be going to school.”

His words shocked me but I managed to keep it in. “You found anything good?”

“One or two but it all depends on where Kylie ends up going to university.”

“True, but even if you don’t go to school in the same state you can still visit Kylie often.”

“I guess,” he said with a sigh.

“If you want to go to school near Kylie you can but the school has to be more than just near Kylie. It needs to do the things you are interested in.”

Pouting Shane cuddled against my side. “I’m going to miss her when she is gone mom.”

“Anything is possible so don’t worry. We’ll start looking for proper schools for you so by the end of summer we will have a plan. So let me see these schools you are interested in.

Advertisements

Fishing Trip

baim-hanif-89800-1

Anything is possible for my babies. Photo by Baim Hanif on Unsplash

From our trip to visit several colleges with Kylie last year, we go information as well as contacts of the persons who ran the sports programs and the chairs of the departments in the programs she was interested in. We had also asked her coach to do an evaluation of her performance in the pool and the potential for improvement. He told us that with her continual improving times she had the potential to gain a position on a college swim team.

It seems that her coach connected with the coaches at several of the universities with the aim to get her a scholarship and that has been going very well. With Kylie’s swim times combined with her grades so far she has been shortlisted. Right now we are waiting to get in her results to up her chances for a scholarship. For the time being, she has provisional acceptance to four colleges and she is excited.

Now the summer is here and Kylie has been having an amazing time. She has been spending time with her young man but since she has so much free time she has decided to intensify her training. More than once my young lady has come home exhausted because of the rigorous training she had to endure. When I asked her if she didn’t want to take it easier, Kylie assured me she has a reason for her new training regime. It seems she had talked to several of the international swimmers who came in to use the pool during their offseason and she took note of their training routine and was determined by the end of the summer she would be on par with them lap and distance wise. She is close to reaching her goal and we’ll know for sure by the end of summer.

Recap

kevar-whilby-30910-1

Kylie is happy in her new relationship. Photo by Kevar Whilby on Unsplash

My Kylie was all smiles when we picked her and her young man up at the mall after the movies. They were talking back and forth excitedly about the movie when they tumbled into the jeep filled with unconfined excitement. From there they told us all about what they watched. We took our time driving to Radley’s house to drop him off then we made our way home.

“So tell us more,” I urged Kylie as she sat in the back seat wearing a quiet smile.

“He was very kind and polite mom. He held the door for me…everything. He was a real gentleman.”

“That is good to hear,” said Mr. Divine.

“I watch what you do daddy. If they don’t match you then they are not good enough for me.”

My laughter filled the vehicle when I looked over and saw the look of shock on Mr. Divine’s face at Kylie’s comment.

“Kylie…” his words stopped because he didn’t know what to say.

“I saw how much happier my mom was after she got involved with you. I noted the way you behaved, treated her and I knew this was what a real guy was supposed to be like. So I looked for that type of guy.”

There was a peacefulness in her answer. “So far that is the way Radley is and right now we fit. We’ll take our time and see how things go.”

“That’s always the best way,” said Mr. Divine.

“When I met your mother I knew she was the woman I was going to marry but your mother needed time to get used to me. Never rush, let things come to you and in time things will settle into place.”

“Okay daddy,” said Kylie in a cheerful voice.

My little girl was happy in her new relationship and I was happy for her.

Date Prep

 

artificial-photography-119298

We found the perfect outfit. Photo by Artificial Photography on Unsplash

With permission granted, Kylie and her young man have chosen where and when they plan to go on their date. The plan is he would pick her up from our house to go out, then we would pick them up from where they ended up going to watch the movie. My young lady was beyond excited about the upcoming day, and after we had a talk and got a new outfit she became a lot more settled.

We got her a cute peasant top with blues and reds that she planned to wear with jeans or the new pants we got to go with it. When the afternoon came, Kylie came to me and hugged me tightly. “Help me get ready,” she begged, trying to keep her excitement under control.

“You’ll be fine. Go start getting ready and I’ll help you finish.”

She tried not to rush off to start but in truth she did and after about half an hour she came back dressed in the shorts and top we had bought.

When she stepped out of her room and walked down the corridor to me I was blown away. I had to fight not to cry.

“You look so beautiful baby,” I hugged her tight then sat her down.

“You don’t need makeup but we have that really pretty lip gloss that we bought when we went shopping.”

Together we sorted out a hairstyle then did her face with a light dusting of translucent powder and the lip gloss.

“Perfect,” I said sitting back to see how she looked. “All ready?”

She gave me a shy smile. “All ready. Thanks for helping me mom. It may not look it but I’m so nervous.”

“Just be the amazing you that you are,” I whispered to her as there was a knock on the door. It was time for my baby to go on her first date.

Telling Them No

cooper-smith-394073

‘No’ means ‘No’. Photo by Cooper Smith on Unsplash

As Kylie and I kept talking I switched to a delicate topic that needed to be addressed even if I didn’t want to bring it up.

 

“Do you remember the incident that caused us to transfer you to your new school?”

“Yes,” she whispered. It was a topic she wasn’t fond of but she knew what I had to say was important if I brought it up.

“It’s not always guys that you are not involved with that don’t understand or listen when you say no, but also some guys that you like and you go out with on a date sometimes think they have the right to take more than you are willing to offer. If you say no, say it and mean it and make sure anything you don’t like comes to a stop.”

She looked at me with wide eyes and bit her lips. “That is why we insisted you go for a refresher self-defense course. If you say no and someone does not listen. Make them understand ‘No’ means ‘No’. Don’t hesitate. Do what you must and find help at once.”

The conversation and the questions continued for the rest of our outing and by the end of it all, Kylie understood more about sex. The lies people told about it and to get it. The need to understand more about her body and the fact she should always listen to it and take note of its reactions. I explained that she had a lot to learn and I was here, ready and willing to answer any question she had.

I knew Kylie was a thinker but I was aware how easy it was for a smooth-talking boy to turn your head. After all, it happened to me. Time will tell and it is up to her. I just want her to have a better experience than me, so I’ll equip her as best I can for what may come. In this day and age it was the right thing for any responsible parent to do.

The Path to Pleasure

ThePathToPLeasure

Like I was saying before, Kylie is going on her first date and as a result, I have decided to have a detailed sex talk with her. Like always, my little warrior keeps on surprising me.

As we kept shopping Kylie urged me to explain the factors that went along with pleasure. I took a deep breath and tried to find the words to explain the concept versus the reality of pleasure when it came to women.

“Like I said, for a lot of women sex is tied to emotion. It’s just one of the factors for some women but many may consider it a key one. Then we start to add all the other things. Who is the guy? Do you find him attractive or is he just gahhhh? When he touched you does your body say hello or go to sleep?”

My explanations had her laughing but she was understanding my points.

“Then we start to get more technical. Does he have experience and understand a woman’s body or is he a poker?”

“Poker? I know you’re not talking about the game so what do you mean?”

“Someone who doesn’t have a clue what they are doing but they are pretending they do and they are just poking things in places and touching things but nothing is happening.”

“Don’t forget we are talking about pleasure. The enjoyment of the sex. If his touch is not right or finding the right spots then there is zero pleasure.”

“Your person needs to arouse you and if he’s not doing that he’s not doing it right but more importantly he is not the guy for you.”

All About Sex

All About Sex

It was past time I had a detailed sex talk with my Kylie.  Photo by Michael Prewett on Unsplash

When we last spoke my oldest Kylie was about to go on her first date. To say I was more nervous than her was an understatement but I wanted to make sure I armed my little warrior before she went out. With that in mind, I had a serious talk her about sex. Not the slot A goes into slot B type conversation, but more of conversation about the feelings that go along with the desire to have sex. Some people may be thinking at sixteen, do you think you should be having a conversation like that with a child? Considering that girls are having sex younger and younger, I frankly think my conversation is past due.

I choose a day when Kylie and I were on the way to do some shopping. As we pulled up at the mall intending to go looking for an outfit for her to wear on her date I popped the question.

“Kylie what do you think about sex?”

“Mom?” she questioned. “What do you mean?”

“You understand the basics about sex?”

“I guess so,” she said with a shrug. “You hear stories at school but the truth is I rather get facts and understand more.”

I smiled. “Fact is always good. It was lack of knowledge that worked against me when I got involved with your father. One thing I can tell you is that your father is like a lot of men when it comes to sex. Selfish and only interested in their own pleasure. That is also the way how a lot of young men are as well.

We made our way inside the mall continuing our conversation.

“The thing is with sex and most women, not all, most, they associate or combine sex and love. They give or have sex with someone they think they love. With men, most, again not all, it’s about the pleasure. Their pleasure.”

She looked at me with a puzzled look. “Can’t women have pleasure from sex?”

I smiled at here. I loved how my child always got to the heart of the matter.

“The short answer is yes, but that yes goes along with so many different factors.”

Kylie gave me her ‘well keep talking’ look and as we shopping we kept the conversation going.

Yes or No

YesOrNo

Mr. Divine made a few calls later on that night then came back to me regarding some information about the young man that had my Kylie smitten. It seems the young man was, in fact, an amazing boy, his father on the other hand, had the reputation of being a true bastard. This situation would have to be dealt with delicately.

If there was one thing I learned from being involved with Walter is that it is a dangerous thing to get into a family you are not totally comfortable with. My ex-husband had come from a secretive family that was always fighting with each other and as a result, he pulled me away from and isolated me from my family. If we allow Kylie to go out this guy, she would learn a lot about people and that all family structures and dynamics we’re not the same.

“What do you think?” Mr. Divide me as we sat on the couch.

“I want to protect my baby but if she is to go off to college I won’t be there to tell her yes or no when it comes to the boys that she meets. She tried to find out as much as she could about him which shows she is thinking rather than blind following or jumping into situations. She needs to keep growing up and discovering.”

Mr. Divine sighed and hugged me closer. “Yes, our baby is growing up, learning.”

“So yes to this date? I asked with a smile.

“Yes,” he said with a sigh. “Before that date, she has to go for a refresher self-defence course. In fact, I’m going to send a message now asking if she can be fit in for Wednesday.”

I laughed at his comment but I knew he was serious. It was better to be ready and aware that clueless and caught. Our young lady was taking another step in her development from there we’ll see what is next.

Movies that Matter – Hidden Figures

moviesthatmatter-banner

The power of this movie is like the title says, hidden. The children had seen the trailer and they come to us determined to see this movie and discover more about this once little-known story. When we sat down in the cinema we were all eager to discover the story.

Watching the struggles these women, Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson played by Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monáe endured yet the determination they possessed was inspiring. They lived in a time when being a woman and one of colour was not exactly an easy thing to be. Despite that, these women learnt and discovered how to use their brains to be the author of ground breaking accomplishments that have been marked on history’s page to be acknowledged and remembered by all.

Hidden Figures

When we got out of that movie the quiet smile on my Kylie’s face was noted by all of us. The movie had does its part in continuing to inspire her to be more than just a drone in society but to strive to accomplish something noteworthy and significant. Also a line she noted that she is determined to take to heart was what Vaughan told Jackson when the latter kept complaining about the fact she could not be an engineer, “quit talking and do something about it”. That is now her attitude, making sure that she shows action rather just talking about it.

She Is Growing Up

SheIsGrowingUp

After the kids went to bed Mr. Divine and I had a long talk about Kylie’s request to go on a date. She was getting to that age and we needed to allow her to start to understand boys and the way they behaved.

“I want to hide her forever,” whispered Mr. Divine as we moved outside to enjoy the quiet night while we talked, ignoring the that TV played in the background. I climbed between his legs and settled against his chest as his arms cuddled me against him.

“I know,” I replied but she needs to know and understand and experience. The fact she talks to us is important and I would like to keep it that way.”

“Yes,” he said with a sigh.” There is so much insane stuff going on daily it makes you frightened to let your children out the door.”

“The thing is by not letting them out we will do them a huge disservice. There will come one day when we are not there to do everything for them and to protect them.”

“My wife, the brilliant one,” whispered Mr. Divine against my neck.

“Do you your undercover investigation thing. I know that will be the only way you will be completely comfortable,” I murmured.

Mr. Divine’s laughter vibrated against my cheek. “You know me much too well.”