Telling Them No

cooper-smith-394073

‘No’ means ‘No’. Photo by Cooper Smith on Unsplash

As Kylie and I kept talking I switched to a delicate topic that needed to be addressed even if I didn’t want to bring it up.

 

“Do you remember the incident that caused us to transfer you to your new school?”

“Yes,” she whispered. It was a topic she wasn’t fond of but she knew what I had to say was important if I brought it up.

“It’s not always guys that you are not involved with that don’t understand or listen when you say no, but also some guys that you like and you go out with on a date sometimes think they have the right to take more than you are willing to offer. If you say no, say it and mean it and make sure anything you don’t like comes to a stop.”

She looked at me with wide eyes and bit her lips. “That is why we insisted you go for a refresher self-defense course. If you say no and someone does not listen. Make them understand ‘No’ means ‘No’. Don’t hesitate. Do what you must and find help at once.”

The conversation and the questions continued for the rest of our outing and by the end of it all, Kylie understood more about sex. The lies people told about it and to get it. The need to understand more about her body and the fact she should always listen to it and take note of its reactions. I explained that she had a lot to learn and I was here, ready and willing to answer any question she had.

I knew Kylie was a thinker but I was aware how easy it was for a smooth-talking boy to turn your head. After all, it happened to me. Time will tell and it is up to her. I just want her to have a better experience than me, so I’ll equip her as best I can for what may come. In this day and age it was the right thing for any responsible parent to do.

Advertisements

Zero Pleasure

ahmed-ashhaadh-337500

For every woman it is different. Photo by Ahmed Ashhaadh on Unsplash

My conversation was giving Kylie a lot more understanding about the topic of sex. She now understand it was an act but then it was also much more. For several minutes she said nothing but I could tell she was deep in thought trying to figure out what to ask me next.

“Note, guys will tell you almost anything to get you to have sex. For some of them, it’s the conquest and a lot of them will do whatever to get it.”

“Could you explain arousal. What does it feel like?”

“For every woman it is different but the best way I can describe it is a building feeling of eagerness and excitement in both your mind and your body. Also, it is important to know with every woman the degree of arousal varies. When it comes to the body most people just think the main parts, your breasts and vagina but a well-placed touch can lead to arousal. Think of your skin as one huge organ and if some you like touches you. Combined that with the right words and a woman can be aroused. It’s the concept of foreplay. Sadly it is something very few men seem to understand or have mastered, but some are improving.”

We moved around the store in silence for a bit then Kylie took up a top then turned to me. “I like this one? What do you think?”

“Try it on and we’ll see if it works.” She placed it over her hand with the other clothes she held then turned to me.

“Can I ask you a question mom. It’s about dad and my…father.” Soon after we got married the children started called Mr. Divine dad. The first time they did it the man had to fight back tears. He showed then time and again he would protect them no matter what.

“Ask away.”

“I watch you with dad now and think back to the way things used to be with my father. Why do you think he was like that? So cruel and nasty to you.”

“It could be several things. The main one I can come up with is that your father was a selfish and insecure man and the only way he could feel good about himself was to make others feel bad about themselves. He used to do that to me a lot. Make me feel like I was stupid. His aim was to have power over me. It was all about him. That is why I urge you, the day a guy makes you feel bad about yourself, leave him. Leave him at once. It is the beginning of things going from bad to worst.”

“Okay mom,” she whispered hugging me.

“If a guy doesn’t want to take the time with you it is never a good thing. If you want to go slow but he is in a hurry and wants to use guilt on you to get you to do what he wants, that is a bad sign. He does not love you. He never loved you.”

Married Life

MarriedLife

Sometimes you get in your own way.

One thing I know about marriage is that it isn’t easy to move your way forward, both the spouse and I have to be on the same page as well as reading the same line. That being said, Mr. Divine and I had our first disagreement of sorts. The fact that my husband traveled so often for work like a worm that was festering in the back of my mind. When he was away he was always in contact with both myself and the children, but its the fact he is not here that gets to me.  Add to that, my mind drifts to the fact I was clueless about what my Ex had been doing all those years and the insane scenarios start to take over my mind.

 

I was so in a grip of confusion that when Mr. Divine called, I made up so many stupid excuses not to talk to him. For most of his trip, I avoided his calls and stewed. I had let the past and all the things that my Ex had been doing and I didn’t know about and came up with the possibility that Mr. Divine may be doing that same thing to me. All the while I was in my head, the kids had spoken to Mr. Divine and he had cut his trip short. I was beyond shocked when he showed up and called me out of work.

New School Rocks

NewSchoolRocks

My Kylie settling into her new school without a problem.

Like I said, I don’t know how Mr. Divine pulled it off but he had Kylie in school before the week was over. It seemed that several of his friends and associates had school aged children, and most of them went to one of the two exclusive schools in my country. That was where Kylie was not enrolled. I went with Mr. Divine and did a walk through of the school and was massively impressed with what I saw.

 

A talk with the teachers showed me that my Kylie would not have a problem settling back into school when it came to studying but I was worried about her finding friends at this new school. One thing I knew was that being new was never easy but time would tell. On her first day, a new classmate came to give Kylie a tour and when she saw Kylie, the girl had a questioning look on her face.

“Do you swim? You look like a girl who’s race times I’m always trying to beat that swim for Neptune Swim Club.”

“Yes I swim for Neptune but my times are not that great.”

“Are you kidding me? Have you never checked your ranking?”

Kylie looked from Mr. Divine to me then to the girl who was almost bouncing in excitement. With you here, we can actually place in the inter-school swim tournament. This is so cool.”

Grabbing Kylie’s hand she pulled her towards her classroom.

“Come, let me introduce you to everyone,” she said and Kylie waved back at us as she was hurried away.

It seemed like I had nothing to worry about when it came to friends. Time will tell.

That afternoon when we picked up Kylie a smiling young lady greeted us. The whole drive to meet her brother at the pool was filled with non-stop chatter about how her day went. She was truly excited about her new school and the possibilities of what was now open to her.

There is often a saying that from every disappointment there is a new and better appointment, and I think this is what was happening for Kylie. She was about to move forward to do bigger and better things.

All Revealed

AllRevealed

Like the rising sun, the situation could no longer be hidden.

 

“You see,” said Kylie. “I told you I’m not the only one he has been bugging. I guess their parents skipped coming to the school and went right to the police.”

The officer that came in, make that officers, were not street cops but high ranking officers. I guess someone had gone to the top with their complaint.

The officers looked around the room from our angry faces to the boy sitting in the corner of the room rocking back and forth crying.

“What is the issue here?” asked one of the officers.

“The young lady and her parents have said the boy has been giving her double,” said the principal.

“Define trouble,” said the other officer.

“Sexual assault,” said Kylie before the principal could replay.

“The girl is just exaggerating. The boy was just playing,” said Mr. X with a laugh.

“Playing? From the conversation I overheard my niece having and the bruises I saw on her arms and thighs when I got her to tell me what happened, this is no game.”

“Are you Nadisha’s uncle or Ashley’s? Those are the two girls  he has been bugging for the last two weeks.”

“No. My niece doesn’t go to school here. This incident happened on the bus last Friday.”

The officer took out a phone and showed the principle pictures. The man was visibly shocked.

Taking out a notebook the officer turned to my daughter.

“Can I have the names of those two other young ladies? We will need to talk to them. Can you tell us what happened.”

My daughter told her story including the part about the teacher doing nothing. The officers gave Mr. X. a long look and finally he has the look of shame on his face.

“From the magnitude of this situation we going to have to take this situation to the station. This involves too many girls and this is a dangerous situation.”

Saddened the principle nodded.

“On that note,” said Mr. Divine. “I would like my daughter’s transcripts before I leave. She is not coming back to this school. Not with a teacher who turns a blind eye to sexual assault. Never.

“I was shocked he took things as far as removing Kylie from school but I understood it. The safety of the children was always his first priority and for that I loved him.

It seemed like Kylie would be starting privet school later in the week. Mr. Divine moved that fast, that fast.

Throwdown

Throwdown

Direct hit. 

The principal started to splutter and the teacher looked shocked.

 

“The boy was just playing,” said Mr. X.

“Yes. I was just playing chimed in the boy,” suddenly realizing that this was getting bigger than a simple trip to the office.

“No young man,” said Mr. Divine. “Touching or hitting a person without their consent is assault. Forcibly touching a girl or woman on parts of her body that are considered privet, that is breasts, bottom or vaginal area is considered sexual assault. There is no just playing when you force a girl in a corner and touch her while she is screaming no. It is wrong. Your teacher should know that, you should know and understand that. You need to call your parents because you are in big trouble and you have to learn that actions have consequences.”

“This a big lot of noise about nothing,” said Mr. X.

“I hope you are willing to tell that to a judge because I think I’ll be taking you to court for your lack of action with regards to this situation.

Mr. Divine took out his other phone and called his lawyer. His words froze the man.

“Those papers I told you about. You can file them. He has no remorse so why should I?”

“Why are you behaving like this?” Mr. X questions. “These are  just kids.”

“Do you understand that boys become men? Do you understand that boys who think they can touch girls wherever and whenever and don’t understand that ‘No’ really means ‘NO’ often go on to assault and rape women? Do you understand that you are a teacher and the person these children look up to and respect? Do you understand that by saying nothing you are a danger to these children?”

“You are crazy man,” said Mr. X.

“Like I said, tell it to a judge.”

The young man was standing in the corner and the look on his face said the boy was frightened out of his mind. He should be. Not to mention this school needed to talk to the boys and make them understand no, means no.

“Young man, have you called your parents?” The boy shook his head no.

“They need to be called and they need to get here now. Not the end of their work day but right now.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the secretary stuck her head without waiting for a response to come in.

“There are two police officers out here. He wants to speak to you about an incident. He named that boy,” she said pointing to the boy now trying to make himself smaller in the corner. “That is why I came to get you.”

The boy slid down onto the floor his knees weak.

Lightning Can Strike Twice

LightingCanStrikeTwice

Two angry women in one room, it’s not pretty.

 

“What is this all about?” asking Mr. X, the teacher Kylie told us about. One look and I could see that this man didn’t think for one second what he told my daughter was wrong.

Mr. Divine focused on him and started to question in a calm, clear voice. “Did my daughter report an incident or incidents regarding harassed and assaulted by this young man to you?”

“Assault. I don’t know what you are talking about? He was probably just playing around with her and got a bit too rough.”

Mr. Divine just looking at the man with a question all over his face.

“Probably. So you don’t have a real clue what happen but you proceed to tell my daughter that it was nothing and the boy just liked her and she should probably stop ignoring him.”

“This is no big deal. The young man was just being a typical boy.”

I was livid and jumping out of my seat. “Are you out of your mind?”

“No darling. Please let me handle this.” I looked at Mr. Divine and saw the look he gave me was similar to the one he had just before he knocked my ex-husband unconscious and left him on the ground front yard.

With a laugh, I sat down. Again the principal started to fidget while he questioned the teacher. “Mr. X  you are not sure about the details of the incident but that is what you told the young lady?”

“These kids always playing around. Who can keep track.”

“None of us girls play around with him,” said Kylie. “He is always hitting us and trying to grab us. We tell him to stop but he never does. We make sure we keep the younger girls away from him. I came to you because you are his form teacher but you did nothing and made it seem like it was alright. That I should let him touch me whenever and where ever on my body he wants. I don’t like him. Why should I let him touch me?”

“He was playing around,” said Mr. X. “What is the big deal.”

“So when he pins a girl in a corner and tries to touch her while she is screaming no and he is laughing like it a joke that’s okay. No, that is one step from attempted rape.”

And folks there it was. My daughter had said it and there was no taking it back.