I have been feeling rather out of sorts, the children’s and Mr. Divine’s suggestion I took a much-needed break on my own just to relax and think. I’ve been letting the thoughts race through my head and take over, and as a result, I’ve not been feeling myself. My distraction became obvious when I burned breakfast, lunch and dinner one day by just standing in front of the stove just looking off into the distance at nothing.
The break I took was to my favourite place, the beach. There I simply stepped back and allowed the beauty of nature to do its work. I needed the escape because my mind was filled with so many things it was consuming me. I had crashed big time and all I could think was that my life was a disaster. I was blind to the progress I had made leaving my abusive husband Walter, getting a divorce and restarting my life. Somehow I had stepped far into my head and derailed my progress by thinking I was a failure.
How did I get there? Sadly it was the ring I wore on my finger that Mr. Divine had given me. With that ring came shock and joy, then slowly the self-doubt started to creep in. Could I do this again, get married…be someone’s wife, again? What if what happened before started to happen again? These questions invaded me and took control. In truth, they poisoned my peace of mind and if I continued to let them, I knew these thoughts would destroy my new relationship along with any chance of happiness that I hoped to have.
Sitting on the beach I let the ebb and flow of the ocean cleanse me. I had overcome Walter, but if I let the thought of what may happen to me prevent me from moving forward then I was letting Walter defeat and control me again even though we were not together. I needed to judge Mr. Divine for who he was rather than who I feared he might become. So with every trip to the beach, I let my fear float away bit by bit with the receding tide and by the end of the break, I could look at Mr. Divine for who he was…a man I was starting to love. Now everything was becoming as clear as the waters that brought me peace.