Zero Pleasure

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For every woman it is different. Photo by Ahmed Ashhaadh on Unsplash

My conversation was giving Kylie a lot more understanding about the topic of sex. She now understand it was an act but then it was also much more. For several minutes she said nothing but I could tell she was deep in thought trying to figure out what to ask me next.

“Note, guys will tell you almost anything to get you to have sex. For some of them, it’s the conquest and a lot of them will do whatever to get it.”

“Could you explain arousal. What does it feel like?”

“For every woman it is different but the best way I can describe it is a building feeling of eagerness and excitement in both your mind and your body. Also, it is important to know with every woman the degree of arousal varies. When it comes to the body most people just think the main parts, your breasts and vagina but a well-placed touch can lead to arousal. Think of your skin as one huge organ and if some you like touches you. Combined that with the right words and a woman can be aroused. It’s the concept of foreplay. Sadly it is something very few men seem to understand or have mastered, but some are improving.”

We moved around the store in silence for a bit then Kylie took up a top then turned to me. “I like this one? What do you think?”

“Try it on and we’ll see if it works.” She placed it over her hand with the other clothes she held then turned to me.

“Can I ask you a question mom. It’s about dad and my…father.” Soon after we got married the children started called Mr. Divine dad. The first time they did it the man had to fight back tears. He showed then time and again he would protect them no matter what.

“Ask away.”

“I watch you with dad now and think back to the way things used to be with my father. Why do you think he was like that? So cruel and nasty to you.”

“It could be several things. The main one I can come up with is that your father was a selfish and insecure man and the only way he could feel good about himself was to make others feel bad about themselves. He used to do that to me a lot. Make me feel like I was stupid. His aim was to have power over me. It was all about him. That is why I urge you, the day a guy makes you feel bad about yourself, leave him. Leave him at once. It is the beginning of things going from bad to worst.”

“Okay mom,” she whispered hugging me.

“If a guy doesn’t want to take the time with you it is never a good thing. If you want to go slow but he is in a hurry and wants to use guilt on you to get you to do what he wants, that is a bad sign. He does not love you. He never loved you.”

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The Path to Pleasure

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Like I was saying before, Kylie is going on her first date and as a result, I have decided to have a detailed sex talk with her. Like always, my little warrior keeps on surprising me.

As we kept shopping Kylie urged me to explain the factors that went along with pleasure. I took a deep breath and tried to find the words to explain the concept versus the reality of pleasure when it came to women.

“Like I said, for a lot of women sex is tied to emotion. It’s just one of the factors for some women but many may consider it a key one. Then we start to add all the other things. Who is the guy? Do you find him attractive or is he just gahhhh? When he touched you does your body say hello or go to sleep?”

My explanations had her laughing but she was understanding my points.

“Then we start to get more technical. Does he have experience and understand a woman’s body or is he a poker?”

“Poker? I know you’re not talking about the game so what do you mean?”

“Someone who doesn’t have a clue what they are doing but they are pretending they do and they are just poking things in places and touching things but nothing is happening.”

“Don’t forget we are talking about pleasure. The enjoyment of the sex. If his touch is not right or finding the right spots then there is zero pleasure.”

“Your person needs to arouse you and if he’s not doing that he’s not doing it right but more importantly he is not the guy for you.”

Another Happy New Year

 

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Happy New Year everyone. Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

Welcome to 2018 everyone. Happy New Year. I’m getting myself ready for an excitingly busy year filled with new adventures and discoveries. As promised, I’ve got those post ready and I’ll be rolling them out each week along with other little posts about what is going on right now. Be on the lookout for another post this week and until then 🏖, 🌞 and 😃.

 

Season’s Greetings To All

 

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Merry Christmas to each and every one.

As the day dawns and my mind is instantly filling with all the things I need to get done for tomorrow, I know I must not only pause, but stop to say Season’s Greetings, Merry Christmas, Joy and Love for the season but most of all to thank you all for following my blog and being here for me. Enjoy your day and from my family to yours at this special time, 🏖, 🌞 and 😃.

 

Tis The Busy Season

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Getting some cards ready for the coming season.  Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It’s a busy time for everyone as this year is winding down and we are off scampering in different directions to get ready for the festive season or finish off task we want to get done or get things in place for the new year. For me, it’s all three. I need to get the blog back on track to tell you everything that’s been going on in the past months and I’m trying to do a million other things. To solve my dilemma, I’ve decided I won’t be posting much this month, but I’ll be getting as many posts as possible written for the new year. There is so much to update you about and like I said before, I want to get it right.

Okay guys, this is all for now. The hubby and the kids have a game set up on the play station and I plan to kick some virtual butt. Till later guys. 🏖, 🌞 and 😃.

All About Sex

All About Sex

It was past time I had a detailed sex talk with my Kylie.  Photo by Michael Prewett on Unsplash

When we last spoke my oldest Kylie was about to go on her first date. To say I was more nervous than her was an understatement but I wanted to make sure I armed my little warrior before she went out. With that in mind, I had a serious talk her about sex. Not the slot A goes into slot B type conversation, but more of conversation about the feelings that go along with the desire to have sex. Some people may be thinking at sixteen, do you think you should be having a conversation like that with a child? Considering that girls are having sex younger and younger, I frankly think my conversation is past due.

I choose a day when Kylie and I were on the way to do some shopping. As we pulled up at the mall intending to go looking for an outfit for her to wear on her date I popped the question.

“Kylie what do you think about sex?”

“Mom?” she questioned. “What do you mean?”

“You understand the basics about sex?”

“I guess so,” she said with a shrug. “You hear stories at school but the truth is I rather get facts and understand more.”

I smiled. “Fact is always good. It was lack of knowledge that worked against me when I got involved with your father. One thing I can tell you is that your father is like a lot of men when it comes to sex. Selfish and only interested in their own pleasure. That is also the way how a lot of young men are as well.

We made our way inside the mall continuing our conversation.

“The thing is with sex and most women, not all, most, they associate or combine sex and love. They give or have sex with someone they think they love. With men, most, again not all, it’s about the pleasure. Their pleasure.”

She looked at me with a puzzled look. “Can’t women have pleasure from sex?”

I smiled at here. I loved how my child always got to the heart of the matter.

“The short answer is yes, but that yes goes along with so many different factors.”

Kylie gave me her ‘well keep talking’ look and as we shopping we kept the conversation going.

A Million Emotions

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Just a fraction of what I’ve been feeling for the past few months.

Excited and insanely busy in a whirlwind of chaos. That is the best way to describe what my life has been like for the past few months. Things have finally settled and I’m looking forward to starting to post updates to my blog again.

A lot has happened since is haven’t been active online and I’ll be trying my best get you up to date about all the happenings. So, expect a new post in the coming week. I’m so tempted to just blurt out some of what happened but I’ve waited this long, so taking the time to tell you properly is the plan and I’m sticking to it.

So look for WordPress blog post and Facebook post in the coming weeks and I’ll get you back on track with what myself and my family have been up to.

Yes or No

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Mr. Divine made a few calls later on that night then came back to me regarding some information about the young man that had my Kylie smitten. It seems the young man was, in fact, an amazing boy, his father on the other hand, had the reputation of being a true bastard. This situation would have to be dealt with delicately.

If there was one thing I learned from being involved with Walter is that it is a dangerous thing to get into a family you are not totally comfortable with. My ex-husband had come from a secretive family that was always fighting with each other and as a result, he pulled me away from and isolated me from my family. If we allow Kylie to go out this guy, she would learn a lot about people and that all family structures and dynamics we’re not the same.

“What do you think?” Mr. Divide me as we sat on the couch.

“I want to protect my baby but if she is to go off to college I won’t be there to tell her yes or no when it comes to the boys that she meets. She tried to find out as much as she could about him which shows she is thinking rather than blind following or jumping into situations. She needs to keep growing up and discovering.”

Mr. Divine sighed and hugged me closer. “Yes, our baby is growing up, learning.”

“So yes to this date? I asked with a smile.

“Yes,” he said with a sigh. “Before that date, she has to go for a refresher self-defence course. In fact, I’m going to send a message now asking if she can be fit in for Wednesday.”

I laughed at his comment but I knew he was serious. It was better to be ready and aware that clueless and caught. Our young lady was taking another step in her development from there we’ll see what is next.

Movies that Matter – Hidden Figures

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The power of this movie is like the title says, hidden. The children had seen the trailer and they come to us determined to see this movie and discover more about this once little-known story. When we sat down in the cinema we were all eager to discover the story.

Watching the struggles these women, Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson played by Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monáe endured yet the determination they possessed was inspiring. They lived in a time when being a woman and one of colour was not exactly an easy thing to be. Despite that, these women learnt and discovered how to use their brains to be the author of ground breaking accomplishments that have been marked on history’s page to be acknowledged and remembered by all.

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When we got out of that movie the quiet smile on my Kylie’s face was noted by all of us. The movie had does its part in continuing to inspire her to be more than just a drone in society but to strive to accomplish something noteworthy and significant. Also a line she noted that she is determined to take to heart was what Vaughan told Jackson when the latter kept complaining about the fact she could not be an engineer, “quit talking and do something about it”. That is now her attitude, making sure that she shows action rather just talking about it.

She Is Growing Up

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After the kids went to bed Mr. Divine and I had a long talk about Kylie’s request to go on a date. She was getting to that age and we needed to allow her to start to understand boys and the way they behaved.

“I want to hide her forever,” whispered Mr. Divine as we moved outside to enjoy the quiet night while we talked, ignoring the that TV played in the background. I climbed between his legs and settled against his chest as his arms cuddled me against him.

“I know,” I replied but she needs to know and understand and experience. The fact she talks to us is important and I would like to keep it that way.”

“Yes,” he said with a sigh.” There is so much insane stuff going on daily it makes you frightened to let your children out the door.”

“The thing is by not letting them out we will do them a huge disservice. There will come one day when we are not there to do everything for them and to protect them.”

“My wife, the brilliant one,” whispered Mr. Divine against my neck.

“Do you your undercover investigation thing. I know that will be the only way you will be completely comfortable,” I murmured.

Mr. Divine’s laughter vibrated against my cheek. “You know me much too well.”